The Sleepless Knights – novel excerpt II – an 80’s/90’s Jersey based supernatural fantasy.

“Ha, no. I just..um..wanted to see if you’d reconsider.” 

“Well..I..uh..I don’t know,” she fiddled with the charm necklace she was wearing. “My mom always told me not to take rides from strange boys,” she exaggerated a shy demeanor, fluttering her eyes. 

“You know, you’re insecure act isn’t going to work on me, Agatha,” I winked. 

“I guess I have to try harder, James. So where’s the ‘49 Mercury?” 

“In the shop. Right now it’s that big bastard over there.” When I glanced over my shoulder,  I spotted Quinn, Kyler, and Rian making their way towards us. “And here comes the rest of the crew. If you’re going to make a run for it, do it now.” But she didn’t move. 

“My apologies, my lady,” Quinn bowed, “if I my big mouth frightened you, but our brother Cayden here told us all about you, and we couldn’t let you drive away before introducing ourselves. I am Quinn, lead guitar in our little brigade. This fine young specimen is Kyler, lead vocals, and this little spitfire is Rian, our keyboardist.” Kyler waved and smiled at Maeve, but Rian, being the wannabe crooner, kissed her hand and said, “I’m enchanted.” 

“Dude, you just took that from The Temple of Doom,” Kyler lightly swatted Rian in the back of the head.

“What? I did not! What are you talking about?” 

“You know, the scene when they make it to Pankot Palace, and the head dude told Willie Scott, “I’m enchanted,” Kyler finished in a bad English accent. 

“Whatever man, it’s not my fault you’re jealous of my skills even though I’m the youngest.” 

“Guys, please. Can we maybe not act like we were raised by wolves?” I interrupted, even though Maeve was quietly laughing at their antics. 

“It’s nice meeting you guys, and congratulations on all the success you’re achieving so quickly. I hear you put on a really good show.” 

“Thank you, but our shows are not just shows, my dear. They are life experiences.” 

“Quinn,” I gave him a stern look.  

“Hey, all I am saying is you may walk away with..a new outlook on life.” 

“I am sure of it.” I could tell she wasn’t impressed. 

“So are we going to stand around in a mall parking lot all night or are we going to party?” Kyler complained. 

“Only if Maeve agrees to join us,” Quinn smiled. “Otherwise, we’re stuck with Kung Fu Master battles and McDLT’s while Gus cruises the parkway.”

“Yeah, come out with us. I promise we’re not as scary as we may look.” I think I failed at not sounding like a 5 year old in Toys R’ Us.  

“Oh..um..well, I would really love to, but I..made other plans.” 

“Watching Nick at Nite until you pass out? Those are plans?” She shot me a fake dirty look. 

“Ooh, what’s your favorite show on Nick at Nite?” Kyler, the movie and TV buff, asked excitedly. 

“The Bad News Bears.” 

“Mine is Dennis the Menace.” 

“Mr. Ed for me,” added Rian. 

“Did you know they used peanut butter on the horse’s gums to get his mouth to move?” Kyler asked. 

“No, I didn’t. That’s crazy,” Maeve giggled as she made another attempt to search for her keys in her backpack. Sensing we were losing her, I looked over at Quinn for help. 

“Maeve, you are more than welcome to join us on the bus tonight for some good old black and white TV and junk food, but we were thinking more along the lines of wreaking havoc at Seaside Heights. But we would need guidance from a Jersey boardwalk veteran. Are you the Frog Bog queen we need?” 

“Are you kidding? My family and I practically lived on that boardwalk. Haven’t been there in a while though,” she finished sadly. 

“Then that settles it. Let’s roll! I’m dying for some soft serve.” Rian ran back towards the bus. 

“Yeah, come on, Maeve. It’ll be fun. Somebody besides me has to beat this numbnuts in Skeeball.” Kyler pointed to Quinn. 

“Ky, it’s not our place to push the matter. Let’s leave these two be. Maeve, it was a pleasure meeting you,” Quinn bowed then patted Kyler on the shoulder, urging his friend to follow him back towards the bus. 

“Hope to see you around, Maeve,” Kyler strode backwards to catch up with Quinn. “And don’t worry about my brother there. He won’t bite unless you ask him to.”

“Kyler, piss off!” I yelled and shook my head. “Sorry about that, we’re trying to figure out whether he needs an exorcism or a shrink.” 

“That’s okay,” she laughed. “They seem like really great guys.” 

“Yeah, sometimes better in small doses,” I wisecracked. “But we’ve known each other since we were in diapers so…” 

“You must have a great time together then – traveling all over, playing your music, running from teenage girls in heat through shopping malls.”

“You’re glamorizing it, Agatha.” 

“Once again, I speak as I find. James.” 

“If you got to know us, you might find more to us than what you see in Teen Beat magazine.” 

“Well, I already know one of you doesn’t like being mobbed, willing to dive into clothing racks to escape certain death by Loves Baby Soft perfume.” 

“Are you sure you won’t come to the boardwalk with us? We’ll bring you right back here to your car whenever you’re ready.” The horn on the bus sounded. It had to have been Rian, and Gus undoubtedly smacked his hand away. No one ever touched the wheel but Gus. 

“I don’t know, Cayden. I..I -”

“Look, I’m sorry. Quinn is right. I shouldn’t be pressuring you. I’m just..I’m really glad I got to meet you, Maeve Wicklow.” Despite my better judgment, I took her hand and kissed it before backing away to jog towards the bus. Its engine hummed in the otherwise quiet night. I felt like a complete fool. I wanted to keep running down the road until I finally hit the beach. Once I found an overturned lifeguard boat, I could hide underneath until I was forgotten. I never thought it would be hard for most people to do.

“Wait!” 

Music to my ears. 

“Wait up,” Maeve caught up to me, out of breath. “Okay, I’ll go. Just know I have fountain pens in this bag that I’m not afraid to use as weapons, so if any of you guys value your testicles, I suggest you don’t try anything.”  

“Noted,” a raised my hands in surrender. “Come on, let me give you the tour of our humble abode on wheels.” 

All the guys except for Donovan were standing around outside of the bus when I reached them with Maeve at my heels. 

“Well now, the skeptical Jersey girl has changed her mind,” Quinn grinned. 

“I can’t have a bunch of out-of-towners leave without showing you where to get the best sausage sandwiches.” 

“Awesome, let’s book!” Quinn knocked on the door and seconds later it swung open. Before any of us could react, Ezekiel leapt into Maeve’s arms, startling her. She still managed to safely catch him despite the shock. He immediately started licking her cheek.  

“Damn! He usually hates every living thing on Earth besides us!” Kyler looked over at me in amazement. 

“I know. I mean, it’s not like he’s ever viscous, but he definitely doesn’t care to be around others.” I scratched Ezekiel’s head as he continued to sniff at Maeve’s face and ear which made her giggle and smile. I liked watching how her eyes fluoresced even under the pale yellow glow of the light post. 

“Well, sometimes animals can surprise you,” she rocked him. “He’s adorable. What kind of dog is he?” 

“He’s some sort of Pug mix. We’re not sure. But anyway, may I introduce Ezekiel. My apologies if he came on a little too strong there.” 

“Aww, no worries. He’s being a perfect gentleman if you ask me. Let’s just hope his friends do the same,” she winked. 

“Come on, you too. The rides and games aren’t open 24 hours,” yelled Quinn from inside the bus. I motioned to her as if to say “ladies first” to which she gave me a playful little eye roll. Suddenly, I remembered the bus looked like a college dorm room. I didn’t get a chance to clean it and I certainly wasn’t expecting company. She said hello to Gus while still holding Ezekiel and our enigmatic driver politely smiled and nodded. Following right behind her, I watched as she scanned our living area. Clothes, bags of snacks, soda cans, books, magazines, and papers littered almost every space that wasn’t used for sitting or sleeping.   

“Wow, talk about Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, huh?” Her signature sarcasm never waned. Ezekiel began to whine and squirm in her arms, so she kissed him then let him down near his water bowl. The guys relaxed at the table or on the couches and bickered about what to watch on TV. 

“Admittedly, this place could use a woman’s touch, but when you’re living the confirmed bachelor road life, a Pinto can feel like home,” Quinn shoved a stack of Dorito chips in his mouth. 

“Come here, let me introduce you to Gus,” I took her hand, which she tried to pull away from mine for a mere second or two, and led her back to the front of the bus. 

“Gus, this is Maeve. Maeve, meet the driver of our chariot and the world’s most reliable walking encyclopedia, Gus.” 

“It’s nice to meet you,” she extended her hand to Gus. He clasped her fingers gently and gave her a light shake. 

“It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do. Ja–”  

“Jane Austen,” she replied before giving Gus a chance to cite the speaker. Gus smiled and nodded in appreciation. 

“How did you know that?” 

“My grandmother brought me up on Jane Austen. Among many other geniuses.”  

All I could do was lock eyes with her. At that moment, I knew she would only continue to show us how remarkable she was. She would prove to the others that she was the one we needed. 

“Hey, are we getting the hell out of this parking lot and doing something or should I just go back to bed?” Donovan stormed out from behind the curtain that separated our living area from our bunks. He grabbed a T-shirt and threw it on as soon as he saw Maeve but made no attempt to introduce himself. 

“Who pissed in your Ovaltine, ya meat head? We have a visitor,” reprimanded Kyler. 

“I see.” 

“Don,” I walked Maeve over to our grossly muscular drummer. “This is Maeve. Maeve meet Donovan. He may look scary but he’s really a gentle giant.” 

“Hi, nice to meet you.” 

“How ya doing?” He made no attempt to shake hands, and he barely looked at her. It was a nice enough greeting, I figured, for him anyway. Donovan walked passed us and sat in the seat closest to the front as Gus maneuvered his way out of the parking lot. 

“Don’t worry about him,” I whispered to her. “He has a hard time..warming up to new people.” 

“He seems shy, for such a big guy. He looks like he could have been in the movie, Predator.” 

“Yeah, Jesse Ventura robbed him of that role.” She jokingly elbowed me. “Come on, let’s take a load off.” 

I cleared a space for her to sit on the couch, and she placed her treasured backpack on the floor by her feet. I got her a soda, and we passed the time telling jokes and childhood stories as we watched Nick at Nite. It was a good 25 minute drive down the parkway to get to Seaside, and in that time, she seemed to become more relaxed, not so quick to turn to the jokes or sarcasm as a shield. When she put her journal on the table and flipped through some pages, the silent, slack-jawed astonishment amongst the guys didn’t go unnoticed. Even Donovan moved closer to us for a look at her work. By the time I could get the guys to snap out of it and return to Earth, the lights of the boardwalk shown through the enormous windshield. 

“Last one to the Frog Bog is buying dinner!” Like an 8 year old on his first trip to Disney World, Rian ran off the bus as soon as it stopped. 

“Shall we, Ms. Wicklow.” 

“With pleasure, Mr. Donnelly.” 

That smile would be the one thing that could kill me. And I might have been totally okay with that. 

 Let the Games Begin 

“Okay, okay, Maeve’s turn. Two truths and a lie,” Kyler took a big bite out of his second sausage sandwich. 

“Umm..okay, let me think..hmmm..I broke two fingers falling off a swing when I was eight. I eat the cookie part of an Oreo before the filling, and I squirted what was left of a Ssips iced tea drink box into a bully’s ear.”

“I’m going to go with the Oreo. That’s a lie. Nobody does that,” Quinn insisted. 

“I say the juice box in the bully’s ear,” Rian feverishly shook and squeezed what was left in the ketchup bottle onto his basket of crinkle cut fries.  

Donovan read a comic book he won at the first game he played when we arrived. I knew he didn’t like me which I couldn’t figure out. Cayden said it took awhile for him to warm up to strangers, but this cold shoulder seemed to be bigger than just hesitation. It was as if he didn’t trust me. I knew they had a lot of run-ins with psycho fan girls, but I wasn’t acting like one at all. Maybe that was why he didn’t care for me? It was puzzling to say the least.   

“What about you, Cayden? You haven’t tried to guess one yet.” 

“Oh, Cayden isn’t allowed to play. He’s too good at this game. Too much of an advantage,” Quinn quickly chimed in. 

“Yeah, I know everything about these guys already.” 

“You don’t know everything about me.” 

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” 

“What are you, telepathic?” I jested. Kyler spit out his soda followed by a stifled laugh from Quinn. 

“No, just a really good guesser that’s all,” he glared at his friends. 

“So who got it right?” Rian asked impatiently. 

“Well, you were both wrong. I haven’t broken a single bone in my body. Knock on wood.” 

“Who the hell eats the cookie before the cream?” Quinn shook his head. 

“I do. Ever hear of saving the best for last?” 

“You squirted juice in some asshole’s ear? Why did you waste it? You never get enough in one juice box as it is.” Cayden nudged me with his elbow. 

“Hey, the kid stole my favorite colored pencils and he snapped my training bra in the middle of class. He had it coming.”  

And there we were. Scarfing down some boardwalk staples and having a few laughs at a picnic table as the sounds of games and rides filled the salty air. It was unusually warm for an April evening. Spring always seemed to take its old sweet time in the northeast. But that night seemed to be perfect, on many levels, and that scared the hell out of me.

As we finished up our meals and continued to shoot the breeze, my mind kept wandering back to the same question. How did I get here? Under normal circumstances, I had little to offer what would ordinarily intrigue the opposite sex. Hell, I had never been on a real date. I wasn’t sure if anybody really went on official dates anymore. I didn’t think of that situation as being a date. There were five of them and one of me. That’s quite gross actually, even for the Jersey shore. 

But I still would have never imagined hanging out in a place that held boatloads of treasured memories for me with five guys in a fairly famous band. No one knew where I was and with whom, but there was no way anyone would be coming to look. For once I wasn’t Maeve anymore, erased from my usual existence. I kind of liked that. I tried not to like it too much. 



We’re Never Really Gone – a snippet of my forthcoming paranormal/fantasy novel. Here is a little more insight into the major characters.

We’re Never Really Gone – a snippet of my forthcoming paranormal/fantasy novel. Here is a little more insight into the major characters.
 
A morning power walk would be all that Em needed to get grounded before anassignment. On that morning, the air had a clayish feeling – unseasonably warm for October and a dampness that made her clothes stick to her body. This was not what late October in Jersey should be. One thing felt worse than walking in bipolar weather – the fact she had to climb into a rickety old van in less than two hours and travel to a mission she wasn’t ready to accept. Too many people were relying on her to get herself together – for her grandmother, for Dinworth’s sake, for everyone’s sake, even Marnie. There was little room to be human. She never felt she truly was.
 
An uphill climb back to the house ended her walking route. Dinworth started packing the van at first light. As she passed the detached garage, she could hear him singing Moon River through the door. Em grabbed a banana from the wire fruit basket hanging over the sink, took off the entire peel, then headed up the stairs. It seemed quiet, and she hoped Kyan was still in his room sleeping. She was not in a hurry. After quietly closing the creaky door to her room, she grabbed a duffle bag hanging on a hook behind it. She threw in two handfuls of underwear without counting them, grabbed her favorite T-shirt bras, and picked random pairs of mix-matched socks. Once she finished packing, she peeled off her sweaty clothes and threw on her bathrobe. Then she went through the routine. With the robe wide open she examined her body in the cracked floor mirror. Each morning she ran her hands over the red lines on her chest and stomach.
 
Despite it all, she continued. She fought and survived. That’s what she was good at. Marnie often told her, “Be more ashamed of the parts of you that are not scarred, those are the days when you stopped fighting for who you’re meant to be.” Em wondered what it was like to be an unblemished fighter. Of course, she couldn’t take only the easy jobs. Chayton, the boss, would never let her.
 
Once a chill hit her body, she wrapped herself back up in her robe and made her way to the bathroom. She made it four feet away from the bathroom door when it flew open and a wall of steam hit her in the face. Once her line of sight cleared, her eyes locked on his tattooed shoulders and arms – tribal marks and raven feathers against firm, alabaster skin, his wet hair brushed back with a small ringlet hanging over his forehead. Her heart leapt into her throat when she saw he had only a small towel wrapped around his waist – a towel meant for drying your hands and face.
 
“Oh my God, wow, I am so sorry. I had no idea you were up,” bad choice of words she thought.
 
“No big deal, it happens.” Her feet felt stuck to the floor with a thick, sticky layer of awkwardness. Kyan looked devilishly amused. She pushed her back against the door frame to allow him plenty of room to pass the narrow doorway typical of an old house.
 
“I thought I gave you bigger towels,” she tried to avert her eyes towards the ceiling.
 
“I packed them for the trip. I hate hotel towels. They’re like trying to dry off with toilet paper.”
 
She gestured for him to leave the room with one hand as she clasped the neck of her robe closed with the other. As he inched his way into the door frame, he smelled a mixture of sandlewood and sweat. Her anxiety was palpable, and he wasn’t used to a woman being nervous around his scantily clothed frame.
 
“You ok, Em?” he asked with a smirk as he moved inches from her.
“Yeah, I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be? Man, this ceiling really needs a coat of paint.”
 
“Ah, come on, there can’t be that much lead paint. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
 
“Very funny. Does every response from you have to be a sarcastic quip?”
 
“Well, does every response from you have to contain hot daggers of blind hatred?”
 
“I do not always respond like that,” she glared into his eyes making every effort to not look down. “God, we’re not even in the van yet and you’re already irritating,” she sighed.
 
“See, case in point. I’ve been a smart ass, yes. But at least I haven’t been insulting.” He shook his head as he moved away from her fidgeting body against the doorframe. At that moment, and much to her chagrin, she realized what he said was true. Unfairly, in some ways, she hadn’t been very cordial with him, and it was only their second day together.
 
“Ok, ok, fine. Maybe we both can do without the name-calling and insults.” She looked apologetic even though she refused to say sorry.
“Maybe we can,” he winked then headed towards his room. She caught a glimpse of his upper thigh revealed by the opening of his minuscule towel wrap. Once she heard his bedroom door close, she pushed out the breath she sharply took in at the sight of his skin.
 
She washed away the stickiness of the morning walk, the aggravation of dinner the night before, and the terrifying thoughts triggered by his water-beaded shoulders and his sage and pine scent. As she washed her face, she tried to rub away the indigo shades that seemed to rise from his pores. Time to get back to the life of a mediator.
 
 
After Em and Kyan battled over the assistance he offered her with her luggage, they set off. The van, an early 1990’s Chevy with a sliding door on the side, rusted gashes in the paint, and one missing row of backseats, rattled like a school bus as they travelled north towards the Finger Lakes of upstate New York. They had a long drive ahead of them and what started out as a promising, mild weather day, turned into a much cooler and rainier one.
 
Mr. Dinworth tried to make small talk but neither of his travel-mates seemed to be alert enough. He knew Em wasn’t a morning person, and he was not surprised to see a look in Kyan’s face that screamed hangover.
 
Dinworth couldn’t stomach awkward silences, especially while driving a long distance. Em’s demeanor made it worse. She gazed at the passing houses and businesses, daydreaming about how those out-of-the-way homes spent their Saturday mornings.
 
“You doing okay, ace? Any shadows we should be concerned about?” He finally asked.
 
“Nope, never better. Same old walk in the park, right?” Em poorly exaggerated a grin.
 
“I don’t think any of our adventures have been considered walks in the park, my dear.”
 
“Well, there was that one when I was younger, at that park in PA with the little zoo in the middle. First time I ever had to deal with animals and amazingly not the last.” She tied her blonde locks, still a little damp from the shower, into a tight bun as she glanced at Kyan through the rear view. He looked zoned into the glow of his phone, and he had his earbuds in. She faintly heard the music he listened to. No wonder he doesn’t listen. He’s been deaf since the 7th grade, she thought.
 
“I do still feel bad for that gentleman who landed face first into that pony manure,” Din smirked in her direction.
 
“Hey, a karmic kick to the nuts is required sometimes. I didn’t make the rules.”
 
“That beast broke the poor man’s nose, Emerald.”
 
“If he wanted to dish out the pain-in-the-ass, he had to learn to take it.”
 
“I just don’t know what this old soul of mine is going to do with you, Ms. Sage.”
 
Em playfully rolled her eyes at him and turned the radio up to hear Ella Fitzgerald’s voice over the rattling of the windows.
 
“I’ll be fine, Din. You just worry about our little boozer back there.”
 
“Give him a chance, my dear. It’s time you start expecting at least some people to surprise you, not deceive you.”
 
“Like I said, you wanted him. You take care of him.”
 
“He’s a grown man, dear.”
 
“Who’s going to think this is all fun and games.”
 
“You know there will come a time when he won’t be able to deny the truth. He’ll either run or he’ll press on because he has nowhere else to go. I’m thinking the latter. This is an intelligent man with a mind not too difficult to open. Wait and see.”
 
“Oh man, guys. Check this out.” Kyan leaned forward and faced his phone in Dinworth’s direction.
 
“It’s a naked mole rat, also known as a sand puppy. Isn’t that funny as hell?” He turns the screen to Em.
 
“God has an amazing sense of humor, doesn’t he?” She shakes her head.
 
“You got that right. Do you think God just woke up one day and and said, “You know what this world needs, a creature that looks like a big dong with legs and bucked teeth.”
 
“To be honest, anyone who’s able to go through their days pondering questions like, “What’s up with the naked mole rat?” I want their life for five minutes.”
“What? It’s not like you guys are getting the short end of the stick in life, gorgeous. You get to read and sell books all day, live in a big house, and constantly travel. Wouldn’t kill you to do something for the sake of an easy laugh, you know?”
 
“Call me by my name or don’t call me anything, please, and are you implying that I don’t have a sense of humor?” Em never heard a man refer to her as gorgeous, even in jest, but she hated feeling somewhat flattered.
 
“No, but I will say for someone so young, you do take life too seriously. We’re all going to be dead in what seems like ten minutes anyway. Laugh at a few dick jokes every now and again.”
 
Before Em could respond, Dinworth chimed in. “I’ll have you know, Kyan, that Emerald here won her 5th grade talent show for walking on her hands while singing the alphabet song backwards. All her idea too.”
 
“Dinworth, please!”
 
“Ha, got any pictures?”
 
“No, and even if we did,” she turned towards Kyan to shoot him her patented death stare, “I would not let you see evidence of the goofiest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
 
“My brother and I dressed up as Laverne and Shirley for Halloween in the eighth grade. He popped a boob in study hall, and I rolled my ankle in the cafeteria. Fell right into the lunch lady’s cans. Damn heels.”
 
Em chuckled at the image of a young Kyan dressed as Penny Marshall.
 
“Why, Emerald, I believe that’s the first genuine laugh I’ve heard come out of you in at least 72 hours,” Dinworth teased.
 
“Thank you for the reminder, dear squire. Now can we talk business for a while. You haven’t given the details about this house we’re seeing today.”
 
“Ah, yes, well a mother and son own this old bed & breakfast up near Watkins Glen, been in the family for well over a century. The husband and young man’s father wander-, ah I mean passed about two years ago, leaving his wife and son to maintain the estate on their own. From what I understand, they are going broke. Apparently, guests on vacation don’t like it when the bathroom door opens on them while showering or when they have to get up several times to flick off a light switch. Disturbances scared a lady so badly, she fell halfway down the stairs.”
 
“I’m reading the Yelp reviews now,” scrolling on her phone. “Quite possibly the gate to hell one says, but then he ends with saying, ‘The omelets are life-changing.’ That was nice of him.”
 
“I’ll show you a gate to hell,” Kyan chimed in, “Try waking up in a skanky Atlantic City motel in a room that’s not yours because you’re supposed to be at Ceasar’s Palace.”
 
“Please stay on topic. This information is just as valuable to you as it is to me.”
 
“I thought I only had to point and click or record?”
 
“Yes, but you also have to be..aware of your aware, and be ready for surprises.”
 
“If you say so, princess.” Kyan leans back into his seat with his hands behind his head.
 
Em took a deep, cleansing breath before responding matter-of-factly, “Stop calling me princess, or I will crazy glue your balls to your leg while you sleep. How’s that for a sense of humor, Jack?”
 
“She’s got you there, son.”
 
“Touché”
 
Em grinned at her little victory as she pulled Cerridwen out of her bag.

forest hiking trees
Photo by Luis del Ru00edo on Pexels.com

Introduction to We’re Never Really Gone – a paranormal fantasy by. Tara A. Lesko

Setting yet another goal to be more consistent with this blog! 😉

This is the beginning of my novel as it stands. Constructive thoughts and feedback are greatly appreciated. This is very much a work in progress, but I am trying to meet an October 1st manuscript deadline. Thanks and enjoy 🙂 ❤

 Emerald 

March 30th 2019 – a total reset 

Dear Cerridwen, 

This is a letter I would love to share with the world if I could – yeah, yeah, another “if only…” rant. Sometimes I can’t  help it. 

Dear World,

I’m not supposed to give away any information about “heaven” (big air quotes), but let me assure you, you have nothing to worry about. It friggin rocks, actually. But it has its moments. If you want a purple unicorn, go ahead and draw up the one you have in mind. If you want a fountain that endlessly pours Sunny D with a sculpture of a nude Ryan Gosling at the top, get thirsty. Everything the movies have told you about what heaven is all about is true…

Well, almost. Very, very almost. But that’s a story for another time.  I can’t throw all of what I know at you because it will feel like you took a flying anvil to the face. 

So here is what I can’t figure out. How the hell am I still alive on this Earth as if nothing ever happened to my head? Why do I get to continue on with this so-called life when so many others would have died? 

They caught up with me. They were inches away from beating me. I survived, but I failed. Even though I am afraid, I will do all I can not to let anyone down again. 

This is all I can write at this moment, so until next time.

Ah  Dineen Sian (May the Great Spirit be with You) ~ Emerald  

 

Emerald Sage brought her beloved, leather bound journal with her everywhere, even to work. She named it Cerridwen, and writing on her was the only time she could be completely free. It’s easy to be honest where no one else will read or listen. If Chayton, the maven boss man, ever knew she left Cerridwen lying around while she stocked shelves or sketched in a quiet corner, he would have a heart attack, even though he really didn’t have a heart. 

Cerridwen was the only place Emerald could express her  doubts about taking on another task so soon. She hoped she could stick to working in the shop for a while – decorating for the fast-approaching holidays, rearranging some shelves, and grabbing her favorite bologna sandwiches from Pete’s deli across the street. She could be a random, middle class, Jerseyite for a spell. Fat chance, but she liked to daydream. 

Her pain was nowhere near as horrific, but somehow counting the money in the register became more of a chore than it used to be. A persistent, depleted feeling followed her like an overbearing mother though she had no idea what an overbearing mother felt like. 

On the night that started the mental Drano, Em drove home late from the store. Something she did many times before without incident. It was a perfect night for open-window driving. She thought the breeze hitting her face would be enough to keep her on high alert. 

They’re usually not on the road so late. They’re usually not anywhere so late. The havoc they wreak never required too much travel, especially on the road. 

The moon was immense, making the asphalt look coated with ice. The weather was perfect according to Emerald – unseasonably cool for early June. The winds carried the scent of bonfires and cut grass. Summer is not Em’s favorite season, but she did all she could to embrace it, like everything else that comes back year after year without fail. 

The head injuries from the crash left dull, throbbing pains on her left side, right above the ear. She tried not to think about how the accident changed her – how every thing she saw and every thing she sensed felt distorted like a dream she could  remember but never explain. Oddly, she wondered if she had a tumor growing in her skull – a spongy mass like the capsules she’d drop in water as a kid, so she could watch them grow into animal shapes. Mr. Dinworth sold those things at the bookstore at one point, along with Silly Putties, Pop Rocks, Garbage Pail Kids, and Big League Chews – his idea to get more kids interested in the shop.

“It has been a bit slow these last few months,” Mr. Dinworth sighed. He arranged some new arrivals on the front table near the counter, random James Patterson-type novels and trendy diet books that end up in a Goodwill store if he doesn’t get his hands on them first. 

Em knew Mr. Dinworth’s birthday, but she never pressed him on how old he was. Part of her didn’t want to know. With his slow gait, swollen joints, and his pacemaker twice replaced, she only hoped he would hang in long enough to do all he wanted to do in this world. To Emerald, nobody on the planet deserved more longevity than Charles Dinworth.  

“It’s so nice to have you back Em, and healthy and safe. I held this dear thing every day you were gone.” He dragged his moccasins across the carpet and reached over to touch his Medicine Buddha that sat near the register. He was the happiest and saddest Bohemian she knew. Then again, Em didn’t know many people.

“Thanks Din, it feels good to be back to some sense of normalcy. I guess.” She smiled at the father she never had but would rarely call by his first name. The fact he was doing work and she wasn’t made her creep out of her fog and concentrate on her to-do list.  

“Now that the summer is ending, we should pick up again. We always have our back-to-school kids, our holiday crafters, and our newbie readers looking for bits of inspiration,” He laughed as jovially as his energy allowed. 

“We’ll be okay. Now that I am back in commission I can do more work on the website and the Facebook page. I’m going to start making some killer displays too. This is going to be Dinworth’s Books best Autumn ever. Even Jambhala the God of Wealth will pee his pants, if he actually wears any.” 

She reassured the old man, smilingly, as she took his opaque hands into hers. Em had not been the most active and enthusiastic bookstore manager. Her steady stream of assignments often got in the way. But she was back from an unbearably long medical leave, and she wanted to do more to bring steady business to the bookshop that was her second home. She wanted more normalcy for his sake. 

She wanted to be who she wanted to be, isolated for a little while at least. The brain fog made her feel useless to other places or people in need. The shop felt safe no matter how good or how bad she felt.

“Well, well, someone has been doing some research.” He smiled back at her. 

“I had a lot of time on my hands. And someone who insisted on having me read Buddhism for Dummies?” She gave him a playful, quizzical brow, making sure he knew she was kidding. Suddenly she’s distracted by a big blotch of dim green on the wall near the window behind him – a welcomed sign of contentment. 

“Oh, my dear girl, I was just trying to match your patented jokester ways. You didn’t have to actually read it.” 

“Don’t be silly. I loved it,” she responded after a pensive  pause. The green disappeared. 

Em kissed him on his warm, wrinkled cheek and headed back to the general fiction section. Warped cardboard boxes full of paperbacks and hardcovers needed homes on the shelves. She reached into the first box and ran her fingers across the tattered spines, suddenly forgetting what she was going to do. She didn’t know where to start. Her vision subtlety blurred, and the colors that stretched from floor to ceiling changed, from light to dark then back again. 

When she was home-bound, she had weird moments of funky vision and brain drivel. Nothing as jarring as what she was experiencing in the store. She saw a doctor a couple of weeks earlier about the fogginess and the vision worries, and nothing in her tests gave him cause for concern. No surprise. He figured it was the same persistent psych issues and suggested an adjustment in her meds which Em refused. As long as she didn’t have anything screwed up inside that thick skull of hers, she decided not to think about it. 

She pulled out an old, yellowed copy of Through the Looking Glass, took out the pencil tucked safely on her ear, and marked the title page with a 5 and a dash. She thought about making it two dollars, but they still owed money to the electric company. Underselling wasn’t an option. 

Angela’s Ashes had a slight rip in the cover and dog-eared pages – 6 bucks – required reading in a lot of English classes so it would definitely sell. A hardcover copy of The DaVinci Code minus its book jacket, 5. The Feminine Mystique with slight water damage, 6. She sauntered slowly up and down the aisle and scanned the shelves, searching for where her newly priced books needed to be. But again, she forgot what she was doing and gazed at a series of books titled Skinny Bitch, and she wondered why the world needed books called Skinny Bitch. 

An older gentleman wearing a Members Only jacket and tinted lenses turned the corner into her aisle. She could tell he wasn’t looking for anything in particular, so she didn’t ask if he needed help. She doubted she would be much help to him anyway, so she simply smiled and gave a quick “Hello” to which he didn’t respond. But once he moved past her, there was an all too familiar sight – a grey shadow that looked like finely ground pepper on the shelf beside him. Swirling slowly, the gray formed some odd shapes then dissolved. Em dropped her books onto her feet and snapped out of it. He wasn’t one of them, but he could be one day. He had the right coloring. 

Once she emptied one box, she gave up and returned to the counter to look at the ledgers. Mr. Dinworth insisted on using old school record books and shunned spreadsheets or any form of technology. Before opening one, she whispered a quick prayer for them to be up-to-date and in-order. They were not. The thought of looking over six weeks worth of discombobulated sales records made her woozy. No more fart-brain, and for the love of all that is holy, no more random, wacky swirls of color that don’t make sense, please!  She thought to herself. 

“Oh, I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you. I have another photographer coming in today to interview for the job. This one seems promising…somewhat,” Dinworth added under his breath. 

“That’s what you said about the last seven you brought to the house, Din. Forget it, I’m just going to tell Chayton that I can’t do any assignments for a while. It’s too much, and it’s going to take a long time to find the best replacement. Whoever this person may be, will have to fill Marnie’s shoes and that is no easy feat,” Em shuffled through pages of numbers without reading any of them.

“Emerald, the best thing you can do right now is get back to mediating,” he unfolded his weathered map of the northeastern United States sprinkled with red dot stickers in various locations. “There are plenty of new places that need you, my dear, and the other readers are being spread out quite thinly. Nobody expects you to jump right back into normal ol’ Em right away.” He surveyed the people in the store before pulling out his leather bound journal from the book shelf behind the counter. Like Cerridwen, that book was Din’s best friend. Except Emerald wasn’t sure if he had a name for his journal. She thought if he did, it was probably Kwan Yin or Tara. 

“I’m sure that’s what Chayton thinks,” Em rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I still think we should stay local and try to get this bookstore thriving again before people start to wonder how we stay in business.”

“My dear, you will continue to get through these stumbling blocks as you always do,” he began in his soft, grandfatherly voice, placing his hands on her shoulders. “With ferocity and a remarkable flood of color and light. That’s who you are, Emerald.” 

She rubbed the back of my neck, looked down at the floor, and solemnly considered his words as he turned back to his journal. Any derivative of the word “ferocious” seemed so distant to Emerald. The sounds were there, so were the colors and shapes, but they were distorted, worse than the screen on the puke-colored, rabbit-eared television her grandmother refused to retire. The TV still sat on Em’s kitchen counter even though it stopped working in 1999. That is where she wanted it to stay.

“I guess you’re right,” she tried to turn her attention back to the ledgers. “It’s not fair to the others who have covered for me longer than they should have,” not truly believing her own words.

“That a girl. I’m going to make some phone calls. Yell, if you need me. I mean, really yell. My hearing aid batteries are dying,” he winked. She smiled back at him as he made his way to their back office. 

The handful of customers in the shop quietly read or skimmed the shelves. Occasionally, somebody bought something. They seemed content, so she decided to sketch out a marketing display for April, National Poetry Month, which she found ridiculous because she wanted every month of the year to be National Poetry Month. 

She grabbed her sketchbook out of her backpack and got to work when a man wearing dark sunglasses, messy hair, and a Pink Floyd T-shirt stumbled toward the counter, slamming his hand on the surface to catch himself from falling face first into the polished oak. The counter shook, making Emerald mess up her lines of ink. He righted himself and gave her a tight-lipped smile. It was obvious he had not shaved in days, and he smelled like whiskey. Em wasn’t sure if he was going for a Jack Kerouac’s On the Road look or a James Dean after-a-fight look. Either way, he seemed more like a wannabe hipster with questionable hygiene.

“Can I help you?” Em asked before she tore the sheet out of her sketchbook and crumpled it loudly. 

“I’m early.” His voice sounded like it was the first time he’d spoken in a week. 

“Okaaay?” 

“I’m looking for somebody by the name of Dinman or Dimwith. Sorry, I had it written down,” he searched his pockets and pulled out a lighter, crumpled receipts, gum wrappers, and pennies. He scattered his mess onto the counter. 

“You mean Mr. Dinworth, yes, he is in the back. Who shall I say is calling?”

“I’m Kyan.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m here because I guess he needs a photographer.” He looked annoyed. Like she was the one intruding on his time. 

“What?!” 

A guy, Din? Really? A friggin guy? 

And out of all the guys in the world, this guy?

Since it was on the tip of her tongue, she wanted to say, “The position has been filled. Here, take a copy of The Four Agreements for your troubles.” But the words wouldn’t come out. Mr. Dinworth called this guy in, so she figured it should be up to him to tell him, “thanks, but no thanks.” Em already had a bad feeling that he wouldn’t. 

“You must be Emerald,” he laughed. “Great name, by the way.” 

She couldn’t tell if he was sincere or sarcastic, but either way, all around him was a chaotic cluster of colors. 

“Wait here, and don’t touch anything,” Em turned and flounced toward the back of the store. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Oh, this is not good. I can’t work with a guy? Well, I know Din is a guy. But that doesn’t count!